Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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