The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
