i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
