we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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