and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
