one might say we're banned from that church
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
