Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
My feet surprised me
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