Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
