you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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