I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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