Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize
