god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
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