you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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