i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
