Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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