so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Randomize
