that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
