Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
