i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
