My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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