I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
