i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
