My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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