Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
