dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
