That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
