She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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