Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
birth control should be required to get into college
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
