god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
