dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
