Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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