from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
