season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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