i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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