drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
