My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Girls should come with a carfax report
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
