I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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