Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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