i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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