I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
