...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
