Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Well I just put wine in my tea
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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