When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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