You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
