I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
