i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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