Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
he quoted the bible to break up with me
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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