The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I understand Curling. That high.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
