At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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