I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize