Say something about gay babies.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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