You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
3 2 1 whiskey
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
