bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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