I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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