just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
