i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
it's like iHOP with fire
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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