doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
So much rum. So many feels.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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