I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
