I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
