Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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