saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Randomize
