I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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