so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
