No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
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