It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize