Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize