we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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