Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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