I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
