i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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