ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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